Feminine Power
The online newsletter dedicated to helping you integrate feminine and masculine power for sustainable success.

Welcome to our new e-zine!
Wait! Wait! Don’t delete ‘cause you don’t recognize us! It’s Sara Harvey Yao and Michele Lisenbury Christensen here! This is the first issue of the new Feminine Power e-zine. You’re receiving this because you signed up for our e-zine at one of our events or have worked with one of us in the past. Enjoy this issue, and let us know what you think! To subscribe, end your subscription or change your delivery address, please scroll to the end for instructions. Please help others integrate feminine power, too, by forwarding this issue to others who’ll enjoy it.

In this issue:
The People vs. Productivity Dilemma: 4 pages
Reading time: Approximately 8 minutes

Upcoming Events Tuesday, FEBRUARY 21, 7-8:30 p.m. Superwoman's Heartache: The Relationship Pain of Powerful Women Whether struggling to find a partner or yearning for more satisfaction in the long-term relationship they have, the most powerful women often suffer the most relationship pain. Why is that? In this workshop, you will learn how we powerful women set ourselves up for pain and how we can move past it, to attain the satisfying, soulful relationships we crave. $15; Register by calling East West Bookshop at 206.523.3726 Tuesday, FEBRUARY 28, 7-9 a.m. at the Bellevue Harbor Club Success with Ease Training for Women: Neither Mommy nor Tyrant: Feminine Secrets for Powerful Management Click here to learn more about this and future events and register. The New Manager Development Program for Women This one-of-a-kind program integrates the best management development curriculum with practical strategies for leveraging feminine qualities for management success. The next six-month session begins soon. If you know any new female managers, please pass this information along. We guarantee this will improve their performance while they actually enjoy their new role! Click here to learn more.

If you’re like most women leaders at work, you are constantly faced with the people vs. productivity dilemma. See, we all seem to have this love-hate relationship with the people in our professional lives. The dilemma of people vs. productivity manifests itself in a number of different ways. Any of these sound like something you might have said?:

• “I just wish everyone would GO AWAY so I can get things done!”
• “I’m so busy taking care of my staff’s problems, I have no time to move my projects forward!”
• “I love my team when they’re on the ball...I just can’t stand all their childish behavior the rest of the time.”
• “Does this person think I’m her mother or her therapist?”

Every day, we’re confronted with the dual challenge of creating results and creating relationships. And work can’t really be satisfying without success in both areas. Imagine it: you kicked butt on the project, but no one likes you anymore. Or on the other hand, maybe your team has fantastic morale, but you’re not hitting your targets. If you’re like most women, on most days you’re either maintaining relationships at the expense of productivity or sacrificing your own or others’ feelings for the sake of getting things done.

But the people vs. productivity dilemma is not an ACTUAL irresolvable paradox. It’s a myth. You don’t have to choose between people and productivity. The either-or paradigm that says they’re at odds is the real source of your exhaustion and frustration.

As long as relationships and performance are at odds, you will always be depleted by your pursuit of success. Your real challenge – and opportunity – is to recognize that the greatest productivity comes when we are truly connected. Instead of being drained by people, you can be energized by them. Instead of stepping over “personal issues” that get in the way of productivity, you can quickly work through them or compassionately set them aside and continue working well.

Connection means relating, not taking on or being overwhelmed by others’ feelings or points of view. Connection is the link between people and productivity that allows us to work with people rather than in spite of them. When we’re connected, we can hold three priorities at once: the other person matters, we matter, AND the work matters. None needs to be sacrificed for the sake of the others.

Are you thinking, “Yeah...whatever! Sounds nice, but around here, that’s just not realistic!” We know, we know! We hear it every time when we begin consulting with a manager or business owner. But time and again, the Elements of Feminine Power have allowed these same women to become more productive by creating deeper connection. Work becomes so much easier when you don’t have to choose between people and productivity. Whether you run a department, manage your own company, or work alone, learning to integrate connection and productivity is the single most important management skill to your success...and your personal fulfillment with your work.

It’s so familiar to believe that relating and producing are competitors for your time and energy... to think of them as synergistic is almost counter-intuitive, isn’t it? Here’s why: in our culture, our predominant world view is masculine and mechanistic. We’ve been taught to think of work and play, of people and productivity, and of intelligence and feelings, as separate, opposite, and even oppositional to one another. That black-and-white outlook, when we live from it, has us compartmentalize our lives, fragment our energy, and live at less than our best. But we CAN integrate all these elements, and it’s our feminine nature to do so! Our natural way of managing can weave people and productivity effortlessly. This is what makes women leaders unique and powerful: it’s our natural gift. When you really integrate your feminine and , as so many of our clients have, your old “manufactured” management style will seem antiquated and needlessly exhausting.

So why wouldn’t you integrate connection into your work style? “‘Cause it’ll make me a pansy, that’s why!” Women often have so many distorted views of what connection looks like that they don’t want to touch it with a ten-foot pole. But we want you to see connection clearly, so that you can understand how your feminine trait of connectedness is an asset, NOT a liability.

Our clients often balk at cultivating more connections, and they’ve told us some very good reasons why. They (and perhaps you) sometimes think connection means:

But all of those are distortions of connection, not the real thing. If you knew that you could cultivate deep connection with other people – connection that would allow for amazing productivity and enjoyable collaboration – without any of those yucky side effects we sometimes envision, would you give it a try?

We train both women and men to integrate connection and productivity in their work and their lives. Our upcoming events are great opportunities to experience a taste of this integration for yourself. As well, you can get started today! In the next section after you read about our events, we’ll offer several steps you can take today to begin integrating connection into your management style.

Practices for Integrating Connection and Productivity

The following practices have helped us and our clients leverage connection for greater productivity and fulfillment. E-mail us at support@elementsoffemininepower.com and let us know your experiences with them.

The quickest way to quiet a squeaky wheel: You’ll save a lot of time if you’ll listen through people’s surface demands and arguments and get to their real feelings and needs they’re trying to convey. When you can hear what they feel and need, you can in turn help them feel understood and validated, and you don’t have to indulge them or go “into it” with them. Until someone feels heard, they keep acting out in new (and ever-more-irritating!) ways. When you really hear them and show it, you can express care and can meet the need very quickly without having to kowtow to specific demands or arguments. Heard = over it. Unheard = festering. Any questions?

Connect first, then get to work: People tend to think the quickest way to make a meeting productive is to skip the people and focus on the tasks. But what slows tasks down? PEOPLE do! Even YOU! We’re all more productive when we take (just!) a moment to notice one another as human beings and to deliberately set aside or resolve anything that’s distracting or detracting from the work at hand. It’s simple and doesn’t have to be cheesy: Just take a minute to see “how is everyone doing?” and “what do we need to address so we can move forward easily?”

Relate while you correct: Whether the people you work with are employees or contractors or simply clients, getting better behavior out of them works LOTS better when you see them as people first, performers second. We all make mistakes, have bad days, or get lazy. So when you’re not getting what you want from someone, it may not be a hammer you need, but a gentle conversation. The key ingredients: 1 - “hey, I value our relationship” 2 – “this part’s not working” 3 – “here’s what I need” 4 – “how’s that for you?” (notice “what’s your problem?” is not one of the keys to connection!).

Just a final reminder: Like gathering your ingredients before you start cooking, these little investments of time are NOT slowing you down, they actually accelerate your productivity. So connect, be productive, and enjoy!

Until next time,
Here’s to your uniquely feminine power!

Stressed out? No time to relax? DO WHAT WE DO... When we don’t have time to pamper ourselves, we just reach into our purses for the tiny bottles of Warm Spirit lotion we keep there, or we light a candle on our desk to bring light into a hectic day. For easy ways to nurture yourself, you can do as we do and turn to Audrey Godwin and Warm Spirit. Audrey is an independent consultant and a true warm spirit herself. Warm Spirit provides nature-based products made with therapeutic grade essential oils. We love the candles, lotions, and bath products! Audrey was drawn to Warm Spirit by its mission: “The heart and soul of Warm Spirit is empowering people to care for themselves and to nurture their potential within.” Audrey can be reached at 206-579-1063 or visit www.warmspirit.org/agodwin to learn more about and order Warm Spirit products.

Feminine Power The online newsletter dedicated to helping you integrate feminine and masculine power for sustainable success. Upcoming Events LAST-MINUTE OPENINGS FOR A DELICIOUS RETREAT! You know how sometimes life just opens a door for us? Well, that’s happened for YOU if you’d been thinking of coming to our sold-out October retreat but missed your chance: two participants who’d already registered found out that – for different reasons – they need to come next spring instead. That leaves two openings in the Elements of Feminine Power Retreat October 13th through 15th at the magnificent waterfront Alderbrook Resort. You’ll receive abundant pampering and deep learning about feminine and masculine power. You deserve this break, and if you’ve ever asked “How am I going to keep going like this?” you’ve found the retreat that will teach you to not only keep going, but do even more, with half the stress. Click here to learn more or call 206.686.7697 for more information. TWO OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN AND CONNECT WITH TRUE PEERS: 1 - Tuesday, September 19, 7-9am, at the Bellevue Harbor Club Hiding from Judgment: Why Women Play Small to Avoid Criticism and How We Can Stop Being a high-performance woman sure puts us in the spotlight, doesn't it? Growing a business, getting PR, or leading a team opens women up others' judgments and criticism. And a shocking number of us hold ourselves back, staying small just to make sure we avoid becoming targets for people's nastiness. If you're tired of holding yourself back to make sure you don't threaten others or you're sick of hunkering down under the barrage of judgments -- this workshop will show you how to handle others' criticism (and your own!) so you're free to fly high without fear of being shot down. $45; includes training, breakfast, materials, and a surprise gift. 2 - Thursday, September 21, 6:15-8:30pm at the Columbia Tower Club, Seattle Friends with Money: How Women Can Overcome Financial Tension in Our Relationships Money is one of the most common sources of strain in marriages and friendships. As women, we care so much about both our connections and our prosperity, that sometimes we feel like we have to choose between the two. Whether it's earning more than our parents, husbands, or friends, inheriting money, or taking a unique path with spending or saving, money often does create complications in relationshipbut it doesn't have to be so hard! Come learn how integrating self-reliance and connection can help you make peace between money and relationships. $60; includes training, dinner, materials, and a surprise gift. Register by calling the Columbia Tower Club concierge at 206-622-2010. CTC members receive a $5 discount. Playin’ with the Boys: Professional Development and Personal Renewal for Women in Masculine Workplaces Do you want to continue to “play to win” at work, without the depletion? We’ve received so many requests for more support for women in masculine environments that our partner Sheila Delaney Duke has developed this program just for you. The program will launch soon, but if you want to participate in the final focus group and receive a very special bonus, click here,take the survey, and then email sheila@workingwithpower.com to let facilitator Sheila Delaney-Duke know you’re interested. THE SECRET FEAR THAT SLOWS DOWN WOMEN’S CAREERS So we don’t know exactly how to break this to you...’cause we’re not sure you’re really going to want to hear it. And not all our clients cop to it right away when we point it out. But sometime, some way, in almost every woman’s career, it rears its ugly head. It’s fear. Not fear in general, or fear of the doing of the things on our goals list...Nope, it’s a more insidious, and harder-to-pin-down fear. As women, one of the greatest fears we face as we move forward in our careers is fear of losing our connection with – and the approval of – other people. Bottom line: we’re afraid people will criticize, judge, or reject us if we go for that new job, stand up as leaders (even if we’re already the boss!), or make the kind of money we truly yearn to earn. Do we always let that fear stop us from goin’ for it? Of course not...Frankly, we often don’t know the fear’s even there. But that’s the real problem: women’s fear of losing connection as we excel is a massive weight on our backs, whether we know it’s there or not. It slows down almost everyone’s career in one (or both) of two ways: Either you’re holding yourself back because you fear what will happen to your relationships if you attain all the success and happiness you want....Or you’re running around armored up, distant from other people, lonely and depleted and working really hard with not so much joy. Either way, this fear is draining you and holding you back from the accomplishments and happiness you deserve. This sucks! How did we wind up here? Well, the way the two of us see it, all girls are trained all our lives to choose relationships over achievements. We’re taught not to make waves, not to let anybody feel bad (even if we have to play small, give up our cookie, or smile when we feel like kicking, in order to do it). So here we are years later, struggling to both do well ourselves AND have everyone like us. So what’s a girl to do? How do we live the lives we envision for ourselves without losing our connection with friends and co-workers? If you turn to the traditional “get ahead” books, you’ll read clear instructions on how to become Teflon® Girl: “armor up,” play like a guy, and fend off others’ criticism and upsets in your pursuit of your goals. But anyone who’s tried that knows that it’s tough to keep up – and even when we can, playing so tough on the outside feels pretty lousy on the inside. There IS a better way, though, and it helps us both grow into who we most want to be AND be (almost all the time!) liked and respected by those around us. This very issue is our topic at the next Women Succeed with Ease Training on September 19. See the next section for details, and below that, we’ve got a few tips for how you can stand up for yourself, your career, and your happiness without losing your connections. Practices for Stepping Forward (Without Leaving People Behind) The following practices have helped us and our clients take risks at work and in life, WHILE maintaining the connections that matter most to us. E-mail us at support@elementsoffemininepower.com and let us know your experiences with them. 1. SEE IT COMIN’: When you reach for a new goal, get a promotion, or start asking more of those around you, anticipate their likely responses. It’s only natural that your change will stir things up all around you...nobody’s fault; that’s just how it works. So give yourself and others time and space to adjust. And plan and rehearse clear, clean ways to communicate with others while you’re giving them room to react. 2. BUILD ‘EM STRONG: Connections based on “we’re exactly the same!” or “we’ve done the same job side by side for years” are brittle – they’ll crack in the windstorm of your career progress. But relationships grow stronger and more resilient when we connect based on mutual growth, support, and admiration of one another’s strengths and individuality. 3. LET GO WHEN IT’S TIME: You know when it’s gone on too long. C’mon...Fess up! When you’re only connecting around your past together, your common suffering, or how badly someone needs you (or vice versa), it’s time to cut the apron strings, for both your sakes. You both deserve better. Just a final reminder: You CAN go for what you want without losing the people who matter. You can make a lot of money, you can be brilliant, you can reach unprecedented accomplishments, without being judged, criticized, or rejected. It just takes an integration of your masculine and feminine skills. Until next time, Here’s to your uniquely feminine power! Blessings, Sara and Michele GET THE STARS TO LINE UP, EVERY TIME! Have you ever wondered why a project absolutely won’t budge for months, but then all of a sudden, everything falls into place? Apparently, days are not all created equal! You an achieve better business results by being in harmony with the natural cycles. The 2007 Good Timing Guide makes it easy to observe the planetary cycles and plan your time accordingly for all common aspects of business. How easy is that? Buy yours online at www.polarisbusinessguides.com. Feminine Power The online newsletter dedicated to helping you integrate feminine and masculine power for sustainable success. In this issue: Why Time Management Doesn't Work: 3 pages Reading time: Approximately 6 minutes Upcoming Events Success with Ease Training for Women: Get It All Done Without Sacrifice: A Woman’s Way to Flawless Productivity So many successful women feel stressed--even frantic--and we wonder how we'll keep it all up. We yearn for more space, connection, relaxation, softness...but we don't know how to create it...or where we'd find the time. And when we think about slowing down, we wonder if it'd make us ineffective and lethargic. If we learn to relax, will we lose our edge? Not to fear! We CAN create more peace and calm without losing our momentum. Come learn to leverage your innate feminine power so you can get more done with less stress. Tuesday, MARCH 28, 7-9 a.m. Click here to learn more. Success with Ease Training for Women: The Gracious "No": A Woman's Way to Setting Limits With Demanding People Women often tell us that a large part of their stress would be relieved if they could just get people to hear them when they say "no" and to agree when they make a request. Sometimes we resort to harshness and cutting people off, and other times we cave in to others' demands. Whether you've got employees who can deflect any request you make or customers or bosses who can't seem to hear the word "no" from you, this workshop will give you concrete skills for holding your limits with anyone, while at the same time maintaining your connection to them. Come learn to assert yourself and your limits using your innate feminine power. Tuesday, APRIL 18, 7-9 a.m. Click here to learn more. Elements of Feminine Power: The Retreat Don’t miss this amazing opportunity to learn how you’re using (or mis-using) your masculine and feminine powers, in an environment designed to pamper you the whole time! Join 10 other amazing women on June 9-11, 2006 at Alderbrook Lodge on Hood Canal, Washington for this powerful and life-changing weekend. Click here to learn more. Why Time Management Doesn't Work She'd hired consultants. Bought a Palm. Gotten productivity coaching. Had her people trained. And all the consultants, trainers, coaches and the books she'd read (she told us she had a whole shelf of books on productivity) had agreed: She and her team needed to manage time better. They needed to increase productivity. They needed processes and priorities. And she'd been a good student and put it all in place. "So why... WHY!?!" Judy asked us: "WHY do I STILL feel so very overwhelmed and stressed out?" We sat down with Judy and did something none of the other consultants had done: we asked HER why her stress and overwhelm seemed insurmountable. "I used to think it was me," she said. "I thought I wasn't focused enough. I'm too easily distracted. I care too much and spend too much time with my people." "Then I started to wonder, ‘Is it the organization? Is it the leadership?' If I had more resources, I could do more in less time. If we had better training and systems..." But even Judy knew that while issues with her own skills and with her organization were relevant; they weren't the core of her productivity challenge. "Now I'm wondering if it's just that I need a flippin' vacation," she sighed. And with that declaration, she hit on the third of what we call The Three Myths of Productivity. Succinctly, the three myths are: "I'm the problem." "You're the problem." "I just need to get out of here." But here's the REAL truth about productivity: we've been going about it all wrong. Especially for us as women – but really for all human beings – productivity and time management are not math problems! Adding hours, subtracting duties, creating systems, and cutting out for a break (or a career change) are all mechanical solutions to the very organic process of personal productivity. And the Three Myths of Productivity – despite being the foundation of most of the time management and life-balance material out there – are all actually just signs of depletion. When we're feeling run down or we're not getting the basics of what we need to be our best, we're depleted. And when we're depleted, those three myths are where our minds go: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with the world around me? How can I get out of here? The beauty of these myths is that now that you know they're just signs of depletion, you have a much better depletion-detection system in place. You'll know you're run-down whenever you find yourself attempting to improve your productivity by trying to "fix" yourself, to control someone else, or to find an escape! And why is it so important to detect depletion? Because depletion is the true culprit of our productivity problems. All the other tools we've gained are helpful when we're feeling our best: On a good day, it's better to be organized than not, to have plans and priorities, and to schedule time for your important-but-not-urgent tasks. But on a day when you're running on empty, all the tools in the world won't make you half as good as you're capable of being. That's why your number one productivity strategy MUST be to keep your own tank full. You are creative, productive, savvy, forward-thinking, and generous when you're feeling nourished. You don't need to fix yourself, and you don't need anyone else to be different. You just plain get stuff done. The feminine paradox of productivity is that self-care is more productive than discipline. We get more done when we put our own well-being FIRST rather than "toughing it out" to produce, and hoping our reward comes later. We know this is counter-intuitive and goes against everything you've learned about kicking butt at work. We know it may sound like you're going to need three weeks in Fiji before you can complete that project sitting on your desk. But here's the truth: You can't be productive on dead batteries, but you CAN recharge them even while you're working. In the practices section below, we'll show you how. Practices for Integrating The following practices have helped us and our clients recharge without unplugging. E-mail us at support@elementsoffemininepower.com and let us know your experiences with them. Drop your “brave girl” facade: We try to be so tough! We take pride in needing so little and delivering so much! Cut that out, girl! It’s draining you. Admit when you’re worn down: that’s the first step to filling back up. You don’t have to tell your boss or your biggest client, but find a soft little moment where you can be as tender with yourself as you would be with a dear friend. Think smaller: Three deep breaths. Twelve ounces of water. A two-minute phone call to vent. A whiff of an inspiring essential oil. A cup of tea in a beautiful mug. One luscious piece of high-end chocolate. A ten-minute walk. You can afford these things. They will not give you a glowing tan or a romantic interlude, but any one of them can return an essential piece of yourself to you in a snap! Take it in…No! REALLY take it in!: Even those three weeks in Fiji won’t fill you back up if you don’t exercise what we call your receiving muscle. Ever “gotten” a massage, but you either chatted the whole time or laid there thinking, thinking, thinking, not really feeling it? You weren’t receiving. Try this: right now, look around and notice that there are things that could nourish you right this instant, if you LET them. One dear friend said recently (after we encouraged her to start getting regular manicures) “I never knew the power of nails!” Your own hands, the view out the window, or a picture on your desk can nourish you if you truly take them in. And any of the “little things” we mentioned in the Think Smaller practice can really hit the spot. Just let them, okay? These tips can be like ice chips in the desert to a depleted woman, AND they really are just the tip of the iceberg. We warmly invite you to our monthly Success with Ease trainings and our June and October retreats if you’d like to do some SERIOUS productivity training. Productivity, that is, through learning to truly receive. Until next time, Here's to your uniquely feminine power! Need a Little Nourishment at Home? When our homes need a little boost of beauty and nourishment, we call Linda Hanson, our resident Southern Living At HOME Independent Consultant in Issaquah.   Linda can give Martha a run for her money with her brilliant decorating, entertaining and gift ideas!  Trust us...we need help in this arena and Linda is our go-to woman!  Southern Living at HOME’s mission is to create a feeling of welcome, comfort, and beauty in homes all across America, while fostering the Spirit of Generosity in the lives of their Consultants and their families.  Linda would LOVE to give you the opportunity to conveniently purchase items for yourself, as well as corporate gifts, rewards for employees, weddings and birthday gifts, etc.  Southern Living At HOME has several product lines; they include their glass, iron, pottery, decorative accessories and books and magazines. To learn more about the products Linda offers, visit www.southernlivingathome.com/decoratingfun Printable version | Subscribe to Feminine Power © 2006 Sara Harvey Yao and Michele Lisenbury Christensen. All rights reserved. Feel free to forward or re-publish, with the following copyright and contact information attached: "By Sara Harvey Yao, MA and Michele Lisenbury Christensen, MA, PCC. Please visit www.elementsoffemininepower.com to read more about the twelve elements of feminine and masculine power, learn about events with Michele and Sara, and request a free audio CD introducing the elements." To make subscription changes, please don't e-mail us; click the link at the very bottom. You can make your change or end your subscription in just a few seconds. Challenged? E-mail support@elementsoffemininepower.com. Thanks! PRIVACY and Spam Policy: You'll never get an e-mail from a stranger as a result of this list, since we never sell, rent, or give away our subscription list. 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